Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? – Isaiah 43:19
I have been wrestling for months now about whether to be writing in this space about the health journey I am currently on. I don’t know how to explain the wrestle, exactly, except to say that I feel vulnerable when I think about putting this part of me “out there” and I feel like I’m hiding something when I don’t. Today, I think I’m supposed to write. 🙂 The two sentence background:
- I have had a lifelong struggle with overeating and weight which has caused me great shame and despair.
- I have been experiencing some healing and relief from that struggle since March 1, 2013, which has resulted in a 55 pound weight loss, so far.
Friday is my weigh-in day. I go to my 8:00am Weight Watchers meeting almost always with trepidation. On the advice of a wise person I gave up my scale at home (and my years-long addiction to a daily weigh-in) several months ago. Which means I have no way to know what the scale is going to say before I get on it. If I’ve been “good”, I hope hope hope it shows on the scale. If I have had a “not so good” week, my mind goes crazy with thoughts of 5 pound gains and the end of this good road I’m on.
Today was the latter. I just didn’t track my food consistently, and I had seconds on my night-time snacks more than once. I am committed to my weekly meeting no matter how I think the scale will read, so I headed there this morning, my mind racing with thoughts of what horrible news awaited me. I stepped up, and Mary, one of the sweet receiptionists at Weight Watchers leaned over and whispered, “You stayed the same this week.”
Stayed the same. No five pound weight gain. No gain at all. No “beginning of the end” of all this goodness that God is providing in my heart and life. Half ready to join the Devil in beating myself with words like, “See, I knew you couldn’t do it–you’ll never do it”, I am stopped short of my own craziness and can only be grateful.
I shouldn’t be surprised, but I think after so many years of struggle and failure, it’s hard for me to believe that the time has finally come. And I weep to hear God’s gentle voice in my ear: “See, Susie, I am doing a new thing, now it springs forth. Do you not perceive it?”