Stepping up to the scale after a “not so good” week

Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? – Isaiah 43:19

I have been wrestling for months now about whether to be writing in this space about the health journey I am currently on. I don’t know how to explain the wrestle, exactly, except to say that I feel vulnerable when I think about putting this part of me “out there” and I feel like I’m hiding something when I don’t. Today, I think I’m supposed to write. 🙂 The two sentence background:

  1. I have had a lifelong struggle with overeating and weight which has caused me great shame and despair.
  2. I have been experiencing some healing and relief from that struggle since March 1, 2013, which has resulted in a 55 pound weight loss, so far.

Friday is my weigh-in day. I go to my 8:00am Weight Watchers meeting almost always with trepidation. On the advice of a wise person I gave up my scale at home (and my years-long addiction to a daily weigh-in) several months ago. Which means I have no way to know what the scale is going to say before I get on it. If I’ve been “good”, I hope hope hope it shows on the scale. If I have had a “not so good” week, my mind goes crazy with thoughts of 5 pound gains and the end of this good road I’m on.

Today was the latter. I just didn’t track my food consistently, and I had seconds on my night-time snacks more than once. I am committed to my weekly meeting no matter how I think the scale will read, so I headed there this morning, my mind racing with thoughts of what horrible news awaited me. I stepped up, and Mary, one of the sweet receiptionists at Weight Watchers leaned over and whispered, “You stayed the same this week.”

Stayed the same. No five pound weight gain. No gain at all. No “beginning of the end” of all this goodness that God is providing in my heart and life. Half ready to join the Devil in beating myself with words like, “See, I knew you couldn’t do it–you’ll never do it”, I am stopped short of my own craziness and can only be grateful.

I shouldn’t be surprised, but I think after so many years of struggle and failure, it’s hard for me to believe that the time has finally come. And I weep to hear God’s gentle voice in my ear: “See, Susie, I am doing a new thing, now it springs forth. Do you not perceive it?”

11 Comments Add yours

  1. Chuck says:

    You are such a great and awesome example to me. I marvel at your discipline. But truth be told, I admire you and your walk with the Lord. No shame in your life. Thanks for being who you are, one of the most godly women I know.

    1. susansteege says:

      Thank you, thank you, Chuck.

  2. The Fit Mom Diary says:

    Your dream will only become impossible when your fear of failure overtakes your need to succeed. You can so this – you’ve already proven that to yourself. Banish those negative voices and listen to the voice of God – the Holy Spirit is always with you!

  3. LInda says:

    Sue – So glad you posted about this – thank you! The longer I have been on a weight loss journey, the more people I see who are touched when I share mine – and so many have started their own journey of better health, because of this. Yes, it is personal, but we can all support one another and life each other up in prayer. 55 lbs! What an accomplishment! And of course, Friday is the best day at Weight watchers;-) I just cannot get myself there that early, ha ha!

    1. susansteege says:

      Linda, you are an inspiration to many! And for lots of reasons.

  4. Signe says:

    as always, you both inspire and challenge me with your faithfulness and vulnerability. started a little journey of my own just a couple weeks ago…praying for sticktuitiveness! thank you for trusting the world of the internet…and your friends…with this most sacred and deep-felt-dread turned joy. you bless me and remind me of from where my hope should arise.

    1. susansteege says:

      Thank you, Signe. And bless your heart. I’ll be praying for your journey, my friend.

  5. Cindy Chamberland says:

    What an honest and beautiful post. Those of us that struggle with weight “feel” everything you have written. You know, when I was plagued with panic attacks, my therapist told me that a big step in healing is to embrace your struggle and not be ashamed to talk about it or share with others-it may even help another person besides yourself. Our addiction is so different than other ones. Drugs, alcohol- don’t ever touch it. But food, well, we have to eat but now we have to restrain. Its like telling an addict, “Okaaaay, you can have one pill or one drink or whatever”. Its so hard and takes so much discipline, strength, willpower. I celebrate your success!! And I celebrate YOU!! Way to go!!!

    1. susansteege says:

      Thank you so much, Cindy. I appreciate your kindness to me.

  6. Marcia Wagar says:

    Sue, hang in-I have been fighting the weight loss fight for years. I give up and then try again. you are an inspiration. You will make it!
    Blessings Marcia Wagar

    1. susansteege says:

      Thanks for the encouragement, Marcia!

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